Enthusiastic Joy

joyOkay, so every day that I post, my inspiration comes from the daily prompts on The Daily Post blog.  The reason I use this is twofold; first, and the most obvious, I can pingback to their site, thus getting more exposure for my blog because, let’s face it, I’m new to this and driving traffic to any new blog can be a challenging task.  Second, by using their one-word prompts, I’m forced to think outside of the box and make connections to a solitary word that I might not otherwise think about.

So far, I’ve been happy with my results, but today, when I discovered that the word for the day was orange, I drew a blank.  At least at first.  Of course, being the researcher that I am, I Googled what the color represented, and I was surprised by the results.  This word embodies many things, all of which I can use to dredge up emotions from the depths of myself, and write about.  Since this word is associated with joy and represents enthusiasm, I put them together and ta-da…I have my blog topic.

Last night, me and my family had a video visitation (the second visit we’ve had) with my youngest son, Ben.  For those of you who have been reading my work, he was referenced in a previous post, and to avoid rehashing that article, the skinny of it is, I gave him up for adoption.  Blunt and to the point.  Let’s move on, shall we?

Video visit you ask?  Ben is incarcerated due to some bad choices on his part.  Again, blunt and to the point, and certainly not the main topic of this post.  Anyway, the first visit we had was good.  Felt a little awkward for everyone I think.  Especially for me.  This was the first time I could sit down and speak face-to-face with my biological son.  It was nerve-wracking and exciting at the same time.

The second visit (that happened last night), was much different.  The awkward silence fell away.  As we passed the webcam-equipped laptop around, joy filled the room.  The conversation was light.  Happiness held hands with enthusiasm.  All of us joked.  We spoke of our excitement that Ben was being released in a few months.  Even more, everyone in that room (and Ben sitting behind his web cam) sounded like a family; almost as if Ben had always been with us.  Like the last 22 years hadn’t prevented us from loving him or him from loving us.  In one word – amazing.

It got me thinking that a future with Ben is possible.  We can hurdle the years and have the relationship that a mother and son should have.  This is an opportunity for me to not only forgive myself for the past, but ignite a healthy relationship with him.  Don’t get me wrong.  I’m aware how hard this is going to be.  I have a firm grip on the reality of this.  Still, I’m willing to try.  Ready to do this.  And I plan to jump into this adventure, full of enthusiastic joy.

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