No – It’s Not 50/50

loveWhen did the state of marriage get so bad, so easy to just quit, that people find it easier than quitting smoking?  Seriously.  It’s an utter mystery to me.  I read an article that claims that in 2017, “one divorce occurs per an estimated 13 seconds” within the United States.  Think about that.  That’s 4 divorces in a minute.  Wow.  It’s staggering.

Amidst these stats, it makes me grateful for the marriage I have.  Me and Todd are solid.  I mean, we’ve gone through so much (both good and bad), yet here we are, still both giving 100% to each other and our marriage.  Some of you will say that marriage is a 50/50 endeavor.  Wrong.  It’s not.  Not even close.

To me, marriage is a 100/100 endeavor.  It doesn’t work if both partners are only half-assing it, and that’s exactly what you get if it’s 50/50.  I totally get that this whole fifty-fifty thing equates to both people in a marriage sharing the responsibilities equally.  But it still doesn’t jive with me.  Why can’t both people in the marriage take 100% responsibility for everything that occurs within said marriage?

Think about that.  If both people give 100%, the combined effort results in 200% gains.  And I’m not just talking about giving 100% when things are good.  No.  Give that 100% to your partner even when things are hard.  Especially when their hard.  That’s when the marriage needs your effort the most.

I know that some of you will say I’m off my rocker.  You could be right.  But the fact that I’ve been married almost 18 years, and the two of us are still in the honeymoon stage (we can’t keep our hands off each other), speaks to the truth of what I’m saying.  Yes, we do fight, but we love each other fiercely, even when things suck.

Honestly, when I read marriage/divorce statistics like that, it pisses me off.  How in the world can people be so quick to give up on something that is so amazing?  Nothing in life worth anything is easy.  You have to work for it.  Every single day.  Every single moment.  Besides, when you marry someone, you are making a promise.  Don’t break that promise.

I’m not saying that there is never an instance where divorce is the only option.  It was for me with my first marriage.  But the issues in my first one were violent in nature, and ultimately, unsafe for me.  Marriage.com lists the top ten reasons people get divorced: img1450837101364.jpginfidelity, money, lack of communication, constant arguing, weight gain, unrealistic expectations, lack of intimacy, lack of equality, not being prepared for marriage, and abuse.  Of these reasons on this list, there are only two, in my opinion, that can’t be fixed – infidelity and abuse.

The one that surprised me the most is getting divorced because of weight gain.  Seriously.  Can you say ‘shallow’?  How about trying something to fix this?  Like maybe start exercising together?  Again, the concept of giving up on marriage is foreign to me.  Marriage is difficult.  It’s hard work.  But when both give 100% the results are simply amazing.  At least that’s been my experience, and I just want to say, “Thank you, Todd, for the best 18 years of my life.”

2 comments

  1. I love how you think about it. Full disclosure, I’m not married. But for not a married person, my 14-year relationship with my partner, is surprisingly old-fashioned. What I mean is that, while neither of us attaches a lot of value to the act of marriage itself (this is not a criticism btw, we’re not anti-marriage), we certainly do care about the strength of our relationship and believe in this seemingly outdated concept of working on it. Like you said, it’s ought to be a 100/100 effort. You’re two strong personalities figuring out how to not only be together but also remain independently your own selves. That means there’ll be fights, and negotiations and sometimes things will get iffy for a while. But if you treat the other person with respect (respect, that’s another old-fashion concept when it comes to marriage, if all the statistics are true), and talk, and yeah… work on it… it’s amazing what wonderful things two people can achieve together and how strong their bond (and they themselves) grows. And as you said, this is especially important when things are not going great. It’s easy to be happy together, when things are overall happy. But this is life we’re talking about, with it’s nasty surprises, illnesses, accidents, money problems and everything else it throws at you. Happiness, especially in a relationship, is not a Disney-rosy state you’re somehow cosmically entitled to just by the fact that you’re alive. Both sides need to be willing to give their all for it. Some people seem to think it’s just not worth the effort, if it gets hard it’s better to give up, but in my experience, it’s the things you expend your effort for that yield the greatest rewards. And yes, there absolutely are instances when divorces/break-ups are completely justified. But these cannot possibly account for the staggering divorce rates in so many places… Good post, food for thought! Thank you for sharing and all the best to you and your husband.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks so much for comment/feedback. I truly appreciate it. And just so you know, I completely understand your point of view about the actual act of marriage. My son and his partner have never married. But they have been together 8 years, have 2 children, and are 100% committed to one another. So I applaud you and your partner for living “your own truth” and defining your relationship according to what the two of you believe. It takes guts.
      Bravo!

      Liked by 1 person

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