Getting Unstuck

stuckOne of my siblings has spent their lives stuck in a repeating melody; find the love of their life, get married, experience a short-lived bliss, and in the end, get a divorce.  It’s been repeated 4 times so far, and he’s probably on his way to the 5th refrain of this madness.  It got me wondering about the reason why this happens to him every time.  In fact, I wonder why it happens to so many people on this earth.

I mean, you see it all the time.  Whether it’s a woman who consistently dates abusive men or a man who always ends up with psychotic women.  It happens.  Frequently.  It’s like they are stuck in a musical riff that never ends.  It’s unsettling.  Then I think about my own life and what has transpired in the past.  Some of the repeating behavior was self-inflicted, some it out of my control.

But my repeats have not been near as extensive, like my sibling’s have been.  I asked myself why.  Why is my sibling stuck in an infinite loop and I’m not?  After much deliberation, I’ve concluded that it is simply the difference in the choices we made.  And I think that’s the same for anyone.  If you keep choosing the same choice over and over and over and over, how can a person ever expect to break out from that repetitive outcome.

You can’t.  Ever.

When I sift through my personal history and compare that to my sibling’s, it’s clear.  I’ve made choices that further benefited my life.  For instance, in my first marriage, I was beaten.  Often.  This eventually landed upon my son (who was 3-years-old), and he experienced that abuse.  Not at the same intensity, but it certainly resulted in bruises that should have never been inflicted.  This crossroad presented me with two choices: stay, and let my children suffer the same fate OR leave, and give my children a better future.

If I had stayed, that painful melody would have played on until either I was dead or disfigured, or my children were.  Not to mention, this anthem would have been passed on to my son, and would have been repeated upon some sweet girl in the future.  Choosing to stay would have guaranteed that the future would not change.  If anything, it would have deteriorated until total destruction was levied upon me and my children.

Thankfully I chose to leave.  I changed my life.  I broke out of that maddening loop of pain and terror.  More importantly, I changed the lives of my children.  I provided them with a safer future void of violence.  Where they could blossom into the wonderful human beings they have become.  I have to say, I’m grateful to myself for having the courage to make the correct choice.

I spent years as a single mother, and made a series of choices (mostly good, some not so wise) that distanced me from the painful riff I lived through.  The result has been phenomenal for me and for them.  They have a loving father and dad.  I have a loving husband.  All of us have a better life.

So, what I’m trying to get at is each person should make choices that are healthy.  They need to care enough about themselves to make decisions that improve their lives.  It’s not always easy, but the future will be better in the long run.

Break out of the repeating refrain through loving yourselves.


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