Never Settle on A One-Way Street

onewayEver been in a relationship with a person who is so rigid that there is only ever one single option for absolutely everything?  In the beginning, all seems right in the world.  But after a few months or even years, a nagging sense of this rigidity bubbles to the surface.  As if there is simply one-way of making that person happy; their way.

I’ve been in this position before, and I can tell you with great certainty – THIS IS NOT HEALTHY.  If you find yourself in this predicament – RUN.  Run fast.  Run far.  It will not change.  Ever.  I promise you that.  This unilateral attitude may adjust for a while.  Skew ever so slightly, but it will snap back to its original track.

Whether in a marriage or a partnership (yes, it’s okay to be together and not be married) it must be a two-way street.  Giving and taking is critical to the happiness equation.  There must be compromise or one of the pair is getting the crappy end of the stick in every moment.

This is a miserable place to be in, being on the shitty side of things that is.

Not to mention, without compromise growth is stunted.  The relationship will never evolve into anything deeper.  Anything better.  All you end up being is the hamster on the wheel.  And who wants that freaking scenery day after day?

Besides, don’t you deserve better than that?  Don’t you think that you have a right to have a say in what occurs within a relationship?  It’s not a dictatorship for heaven’s sake.  And your voice is important.  Your opinions, your thoughts, your needs, and your desires have value.  If your spouse or partner doesn’t place importance on that, then you need to kick their asses to the curb.  YOU deserve so much more than that.

I can honestly say that in my current marriage, compromises are made each and every day.  Small ones.  Large ones.  It’s a constant negotiation (not in a bad way).  I give a little, he gets a little.  The reverse is true as well.  I couldn’t ask for a better partner in life.

But getting to this point took a long time for me to learn.  I had to endure a violent dictatorship in my last marriage.  I even dated one guy who insisted that I give up college, and any professional aspirations I had in order to be with him.  I think this was the turning point for me.  The moment of realization.  And you know what, I flipped it the bird.  Proudly.

Thank the stars above I did.  I found my perfect partner.  My best friend.  My one and only (yeah, sounds a little sappy but it’s true).  The moment I valued myself, I no longer allowed this kind of mistreatment.  Look where it led me to.  What a fantastic place in the world I have now.

Find your perfect place.  Never settle.  And please, don’t ever pace that one-way street in the future.

6 comments

  1. Am absolutely not intending to throw shade at you when I say this (I apologize if it seems like one!!!) but personally, I marvel at how often we as humans tend to miss all the red flags when dating. And i wonder just how much pain we could have saved ourselves if we had done so.

    Am glad you are so much happier now!

    Liked by 1 person

    • I wonder the exact same thing. I’ve questioned myself over and over as to how I missed the signs. I was young. I was inexperienced. I was naive. Those were the only answers that I found during my self-inquisition.

      Liked by 1 person

      • You can add one more point to that list, too:

        Perhaps you were insecure, and yearning to be loved? I find that to be a common thread in many cases. Me, included. Well, at least for the falling in love too easily bit. Except that I was pretty unpopular, so I never did get into a relationship per se. Lol.

        Liked by 1 person

      • I probably was insecure. I definitely had childhood issued that could have contributed to it. The great thing is that I learned from that experience. It has helped me greatly over the years.

        Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s